First Thoughts

I figured it would be best to start this blog with a journal entry from what feels like so long ago. Although most of you have just found out about our decision to adopt, we have actually been in the process for 22mths now. I hope to weekly add to this blog by slowly bringing all of you up to date at where we are at, and by answering any question/comments you post...and please feel free to ask!

"March 5th, 2008
The last few weeks I've really felt like it was time to give this whole adoption thing some serious thought. I didn't feel ready to adopt now, but figured that if it was something that we may want to do in 3-5 years we should decide now because it could take that long.

My first feelings were mostly fear-doubt-inadequacy. Fear about whether we could handle it all - the whole huge process - the huge financial cost. Feeling inadequate to deal with the emotional problems the children could come with. Could I love children that were adopted like I love my own? Then it all went away. They would be my own - chosen by God for me to love and raise just like He chose Emily-Cameron-Alexis for me. The cost - God will provide.

My first thoughts - to adopt siblings(2) from the Ukraine - I'm not sure why - possibly because that is my heritage on my mother's side. I looked into it a little on the internet and found that it is really hard to adopt from there. You get no say on age-health-anything, and you have to stay there for 3 months. I can't do that. A few countries were then suggested to me - Russia stuck out. I explored on the internet tonight to see what info I could find - what I found astonished and pierced me. 200,000 children up for adoption. 7,000 adopted per year domestically. 7,000 adopted per year internationally. What horrible odds. A definite need. Things look more promising in regards to their laws too - but still so complicated. I then found a website (in Russian of course) that was suppose to have pics and profiles of the available children. After clicking a few links and buttons, pictures of children started to appear. The only thing I could understand was the year in each profile - they don't even have the same alphabet! I then figured out how to search by year of birth, so I did a search for '2007' just to see. Pictures of babies started to appear 15 per page. My throat tightened as I saw them - so real, so beautiful, with no family, no mom. The horribly high numbers now meant so much more. I scanned page after page wondering how many more there were. I found a button that jumped by 10 pages...that many! I clicked another button - thinking it was probably just the 'next page' button but it took me to the last page. Page 294. 15 babies on each page. All just from 2007. I cried. How could I wait years when there are so many now? All feelings of fear-doubt-and especially inadequacy are gone. Those children have no hope. I have enough clothing, food, and love to help at very least some of them. Its time for me to start climbing the mountain before me. I think the first steps may be the hardest for me - and I pray God helps me with them - convincing my husband."