Our Agency Calls

First, as you may have noticed in previous posts, I have been leaving out certain specific details of our adoption on purpose. This is a public blog so I want to keep some stuff vague so as to keep from specifically identifying the children we go to adopt until I feel that it is 'safe' to do so. Referrals can be 'lost'. I know of one Canadian agency that even prohibits its clients from posting anything in regards to their adoption on the internet. But, if there are details that you want to know that I have left out, feel free to ask via private email/facebook and I may just tell!

Last Monday, April 19th, the phone rings and our agency's name is on the call display. I tell myself to breath and that they are probably just calling to tell me that paperwork has expired and there is more to do. It is our co-ordinator, and she asks if I have time to talk to the director. I do, and even if I didn't, I do. Actually, at this point I figure that he is calling to get us to up our age limit - which they have asked us by email to do numerous times.

He is very socialable, asks about where we live and talks about his time in Alberta. Then he announces that he thinks they may have a referral for us, but that it is in a different region than the one we are currently registered. It is a new region for our agency and wasn't an option back when we were choosing where to adopt from within Russia. This other region he speaks of though is a bit more expensive, $3000 US per child more. Also, if we are interested we would need to do up another dossier and getting it 'legalized' at the consulate would cost approximately another $3000. So an additional $9000ish over waiting indefinitely for a referral from the region we are registered in. He also tells me the age/gender of the children. I let out a heart yearning 'ooooowww' and he laughs. I couldn't ask for a more perfect age/gender referral....but don't know anything else like health. "So do you want me to request the referral for you" he asks. My heart is saying "yes! yes!", and my mouth says "I need to talk to my husband".

Over the next few days we find out that we actually can't get the referral until July because the children haven't been on the Russian national database long enough to be eligible for international adoption. This means we wait to see if they are still available for adoption in July, or if a Russian family adopts them in the meantime. (sigh!) Up to the point where you sign the paperwork to accept a referral, a Russian family can snatch them up. And, even after you do sign the paperwork a relative can still decide to care for the children and stop the adoption. It is not until after the judge rules in your favour at court and the 10 day appeal period expires that they will really be ours. That seems mountains away. Again though, even if we do manage to get the referral we will have to see about their health. In Russia, fetal alcohol syndrome is a common concern.

So, at this point Aaron and I have decided to go ahead and get another dossier together for this new region, in hopes of getting this referral in July, since we found out that we can be registered in both regions at the same time. This gives us a little comfort that even if these children are adopted by someone else in the meantime, that it would still open up a whole other region for us and in theory may help get us another referral quicker.

I feel 'pregnant', and like we are announcing it immediately after seeing the + sign on the pee stick (pregnancy test). Very nervous, with a good chance of 'miscarrying'...and dreading having to tell the 'miscarry' story to everyone. I don't want another referral, I want this one. But God is wiser than I, so I trust and find comfort in Him. Like the song in my playlist (at the bottom of this page) by JJ Heller says, "when my world is shaking, Heaven stands. when my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands."

Russian Adoption Scandal

First, for those of you who may not know the details:
A single lady in the United States adopted a seven year old boy the end of last September. For one reason or another things did not work out. So, last week she sent him on a one-way direct flight from the US to Moscow with a note in his hand basically saying that he was violent, with psycological issues that were hidden from her knowledge prior to adopting him, and that she wanted the adoption cancelled.

Very sad on many levels. First, she abandoned this young boy and sent him half way across the world on his own. She had many other options. What kind of counseling if any did she try? If it was that severe maybe he should have been hospitalized or sent to a facility where he would receive help. If she sincerely could not handle him and feared for her safety, she could have handed him over to the US system where he would have been put into foster care and back up to be re-adopted. This happens on occassion and is called 'disruption'. Instead, this little boy is headed back to an orphanage with VERY little hope of ever having a family - let alone the additional issues he will have for all that he has been through in the past 6 months.

Secondly, international adoption is a volitile process. A country will only stay open to adopting out its orphans if it believes that they are being well cared for. So even a single such act can shut down a country to adopting - and this is now what the US may be facing. Russia has currently suspended adoptions from the agency this lady used - which was heartbreaking news to one of my web-friends who is waiting to go back to bring their little boy home since they too used this agency. A minister in Russia has also requested that ALL US adoptions be shut down until the US and Russia could come up with some 'bilateral agreement'. There has been a 'stay' on this decision and we will see how things play out over the next week. Were things to shut down there will be hundreds of famillies who have invested a huge amount of emotion, time, and money all left wondering if they will ever get to bring home a child, or if they will have to start all over again with another country. There will also be that many more Russian children who will not get to be part of a family.

In my opinion, this lady did this drastic and selfish act because she was mad at 'Russia' and wanted to make a point that she was 'deceived'. Could this kind of situation be avoided. I think yes. Everyone adopting from Russia is required to travel there to meet the child(ren) they are being referred BEFORE they accept the referral. You can visit the child mutliple times. You also have them examined by a doctor and can then take that info, any other previous medical info, and pictures/video you have taken and send it back to the US/Canada to be reviewed by a doctor specializing in international adoption. You can also educate yourself prior to travelling to meet a referral on watching for 'red flags'. No one is forcing you to accept a referral - it is your decision.

Finally, will this affect our adoption? It doesn't appear so. Russia has taken no action against other countries. If it does shut down the US, we would likely receive a quicker referral since we are registered in a region that many US agencies also use. A small positive for us, but at such a huge cost to so many others. :(