Definitely time for an update! So much has happened in the last couple weeks.
First, we found out May 8th that we are not eligible to adopt the sibling group I previously talked about due to our family size already. I was very surprised to find this out since I have never heard of Russia having a family size limit, but every region is different - so I guess it did matter in this one. Canada is like that too - every province has their own rules. I was just told that you basically aren't allowed to adopt sibling groups if you live in Ontario. Either way, door closed! So, now I will tell you that the possible referral was of twin boys who will be a year old in July.
Along with the sad news came news of another possible referral, this time in another region as well. It took days of consideration, stress, prayers, questions...but we again have decided to proceed with bringing these children home. It is almost funny to me how stressed and confused I felt just days ago when I have complete peace now. So what could be better than two little blessings and require so much stressful thought? How about three little blessings! Yup, this sibling group consists of three little boys - the oldest currently being 3 1/2 years old.
But, SO MANY MOUNTAINS! The mountains scare me at times. Some mountains we can't even climb, so I pray that if this is God's will He will move them. First mountain - getting provincial approval to adopt three when getting approved to adopt two wasn't very easy. Second mountain - getting Russian approval to adopt three based on our finances. Third mountain - getting our homestudy agency off of the Russian blacklist for missing post-placement report(s) (yup, when the blacklist was published in April there were only two Canadian agencies on the list, an ours was one of them!). Forth mountain - getting another dossier together, legalized, translated, and to this new region. Then we wait for Russia to call us with a meeting date.
I hate that everything takes months when these boys are getting older each day. I wish we were leaving next week to meet them.
On a good note, our agency has agreed to give us a cut on adopting three, so we should still end up just paying the $70,000 that I had estimated it would cost us for adopting two. That is especially helpful since now we will have to buy a larger passenger van since our Montana only holds seven people. I was planning on getting one of these anyways, I just thought that we still had a couple years before it would needed.
Another good item worth mentioning - a lady from Calgary should be leaving some time in June to meet the little girl she is adopting. This little girl is in the same orphanage as these boys, so she has offered to try to take some pics/video of the boys for us! That would be SOOOOO GREAT!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Our Agency Calls
First, as you may have noticed in previous posts, I have been leaving out certain specific details of our adoption on purpose. This is a public blog so I want to keep some stuff vague so as to keep from specifically identifying the children we go to adopt until I feel that it is 'safe' to do so. Referrals can be 'lost'. I know of one Canadian agency that even prohibits its clients from posting anything in regards to their adoption on the internet. But, if there are details that you want to know that I have left out, feel free to ask via private email/facebook and I may just tell!
Last Monday, April 19th, the phone rings and our agency's name is on the call display. I tell myself to breath and that they are probably just calling to tell me that paperwork has expired and there is more to do. It is our co-ordinator, and she asks if I have time to talk to the director. I do, and even if I didn't, I do. Actually, at this point I figure that he is calling to get us to up our age limit - which they have asked us by email to do numerous times.
He is very socialable, asks about where we live and talks about his time in Alberta. Then he announces that he thinks they may have a referral for us, but that it is in a different region than the one we are currently registered. It is a new region for our agency and wasn't an option back when we were choosing where to adopt from within Russia. This other region he speaks of though is a bit more expensive, $3000 US per child more. Also, if we are interested we would need to do up another dossier and getting it 'legalized' at the consulate would cost approximately another $3000. So an additional $9000ish over waiting indefinitely for a referral from the region we are registered in. He also tells me the age/gender of the children. I let out a heart yearning 'ooooowww' and he laughs. I couldn't ask for a more perfect age/gender referral....but don't know anything else like health. "So do you want me to request the referral for you" he asks. My heart is saying "yes! yes!", and my mouth says "I need to talk to my husband".
Over the next few days we find out that we actually can't get the referral until July because the children haven't been on the Russian national database long enough to be eligible for international adoption. This means we wait to see if they are still available for adoption in July, or if a Russian family adopts them in the meantime. (sigh!) Up to the point where you sign the paperwork to accept a referral, a Russian family can snatch them up. And, even after you do sign the paperwork a relative can still decide to care for the children and stop the adoption. It is not until after the judge rules in your favour at court and the 10 day appeal period expires that they will really be ours. That seems mountains away. Again though, even if we do manage to get the referral we will have to see about their health. In Russia, fetal alcohol syndrome is a common concern.
So, at this point Aaron and I have decided to go ahead and get another dossier together for this new region, in hopes of getting this referral in July, since we found out that we can be registered in both regions at the same time. This gives us a little comfort that even if these children are adopted by someone else in the meantime, that it would still open up a whole other region for us and in theory may help get us another referral quicker.
I feel 'pregnant', and like we are announcing it immediately after seeing the + sign on the pee stick (pregnancy test). Very nervous, with a good chance of 'miscarrying'...and dreading having to tell the 'miscarry' story to everyone. I don't want another referral, I want this one. But God is wiser than I, so I trust and find comfort in Him. Like the song in my playlist (at the bottom of this page) by JJ Heller says, "when my world is shaking, Heaven stands. when my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands."
Last Monday, April 19th, the phone rings and our agency's name is on the call display. I tell myself to breath and that they are probably just calling to tell me that paperwork has expired and there is more to do. It is our co-ordinator, and she asks if I have time to talk to the director. I do, and even if I didn't, I do. Actually, at this point I figure that he is calling to get us to up our age limit - which they have asked us by email to do numerous times.
He is very socialable, asks about where we live and talks about his time in Alberta. Then he announces that he thinks they may have a referral for us, but that it is in a different region than the one we are currently registered. It is a new region for our agency and wasn't an option back when we were choosing where to adopt from within Russia. This other region he speaks of though is a bit more expensive, $3000 US per child more. Also, if we are interested we would need to do up another dossier and getting it 'legalized' at the consulate would cost approximately another $3000. So an additional $9000ish over waiting indefinitely for a referral from the region we are registered in. He also tells me the age/gender of the children. I let out a heart yearning 'ooooowww' and he laughs. I couldn't ask for a more perfect age/gender referral....but don't know anything else like health. "So do you want me to request the referral for you" he asks. My heart is saying "yes! yes!", and my mouth says "I need to talk to my husband".
Over the next few days we find out that we actually can't get the referral until July because the children haven't been on the Russian national database long enough to be eligible for international adoption. This means we wait to see if they are still available for adoption in July, or if a Russian family adopts them in the meantime. (sigh!) Up to the point where you sign the paperwork to accept a referral, a Russian family can snatch them up. And, even after you do sign the paperwork a relative can still decide to care for the children and stop the adoption. It is not until after the judge rules in your favour at court and the 10 day appeal period expires that they will really be ours. That seems mountains away. Again though, even if we do manage to get the referral we will have to see about their health. In Russia, fetal alcohol syndrome is a common concern.
So, at this point Aaron and I have decided to go ahead and get another dossier together for this new region, in hopes of getting this referral in July, since we found out that we can be registered in both regions at the same time. This gives us a little comfort that even if these children are adopted by someone else in the meantime, that it would still open up a whole other region for us and in theory may help get us another referral quicker.
I feel 'pregnant', and like we are announcing it immediately after seeing the + sign on the pee stick (pregnancy test). Very nervous, with a good chance of 'miscarrying'...and dreading having to tell the 'miscarry' story to everyone. I don't want another referral, I want this one. But God is wiser than I, so I trust and find comfort in Him. Like the song in my playlist (at the bottom of this page) by JJ Heller says, "when my world is shaking, Heaven stands. when my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands."
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Russian Adoption Scandal
First, for those of you who may not know the details:
A single lady in the United States adopted a seven year old boy the end of last September. For one reason or another things did not work out. So, last week she sent him on a one-way direct flight from the US to Moscow with a note in his hand basically saying that he was violent, with psycological issues that were hidden from her knowledge prior to adopting him, and that she wanted the adoption cancelled.
Very sad on many levels. First, she abandoned this young boy and sent him half way across the world on his own. She had many other options. What kind of counseling if any did she try? If it was that severe maybe he should have been hospitalized or sent to a facility where he would receive help. If she sincerely could not handle him and feared for her safety, she could have handed him over to the US system where he would have been put into foster care and back up to be re-adopted. This happens on occassion and is called 'disruption'. Instead, this little boy is headed back to an orphanage with VERY little hope of ever having a family - let alone the additional issues he will have for all that he has been through in the past 6 months.
Secondly, international adoption is a volitile process. A country will only stay open to adopting out its orphans if it believes that they are being well cared for. So even a single such act can shut down a country to adopting - and this is now what the US may be facing. Russia has currently suspended adoptions from the agency this lady used - which was heartbreaking news to one of my web-friends who is waiting to go back to bring their little boy home since they too used this agency. A minister in Russia has also requested that ALL US adoptions be shut down until the US and Russia could come up with some 'bilateral agreement'. There has been a 'stay' on this decision and we will see how things play out over the next week. Were things to shut down there will be hundreds of famillies who have invested a huge amount of emotion, time, and money all left wondering if they will ever get to bring home a child, or if they will have to start all over again with another country. There will also be that many more Russian children who will not get to be part of a family.
In my opinion, this lady did this drastic and selfish act because she was mad at 'Russia' and wanted to make a point that she was 'deceived'. Could this kind of situation be avoided. I think yes. Everyone adopting from Russia is required to travel there to meet the child(ren) they are being referred BEFORE they accept the referral. You can visit the child mutliple times. You also have them examined by a doctor and can then take that info, any other previous medical info, and pictures/video you have taken and send it back to the US/Canada to be reviewed by a doctor specializing in international adoption. You can also educate yourself prior to travelling to meet a referral on watching for 'red flags'. No one is forcing you to accept a referral - it is your decision.
Finally, will this affect our adoption? It doesn't appear so. Russia has taken no action against other countries. If it does shut down the US, we would likely receive a quicker referral since we are registered in a region that many US agencies also use. A small positive for us, but at such a huge cost to so many others. :(
A single lady in the United States adopted a seven year old boy the end of last September. For one reason or another things did not work out. So, last week she sent him on a one-way direct flight from the US to Moscow with a note in his hand basically saying that he was violent, with psycological issues that were hidden from her knowledge prior to adopting him, and that she wanted the adoption cancelled.
Very sad on many levels. First, she abandoned this young boy and sent him half way across the world on his own. She had many other options. What kind of counseling if any did she try? If it was that severe maybe he should have been hospitalized or sent to a facility where he would receive help. If she sincerely could not handle him and feared for her safety, she could have handed him over to the US system where he would have been put into foster care and back up to be re-adopted. This happens on occassion and is called 'disruption'. Instead, this little boy is headed back to an orphanage with VERY little hope of ever having a family - let alone the additional issues he will have for all that he has been through in the past 6 months.
Secondly, international adoption is a volitile process. A country will only stay open to adopting out its orphans if it believes that they are being well cared for. So even a single such act can shut down a country to adopting - and this is now what the US may be facing. Russia has currently suspended adoptions from the agency this lady used - which was heartbreaking news to one of my web-friends who is waiting to go back to bring their little boy home since they too used this agency. A minister in Russia has also requested that ALL US adoptions be shut down until the US and Russia could come up with some 'bilateral agreement'. There has been a 'stay' on this decision and we will see how things play out over the next week. Were things to shut down there will be hundreds of famillies who have invested a huge amount of emotion, time, and money all left wondering if they will ever get to bring home a child, or if they will have to start all over again with another country. There will also be that many more Russian children who will not get to be part of a family.
In my opinion, this lady did this drastic and selfish act because she was mad at 'Russia' and wanted to make a point that she was 'deceived'. Could this kind of situation be avoided. I think yes. Everyone adopting from Russia is required to travel there to meet the child(ren) they are being referred BEFORE they accept the referral. You can visit the child mutliple times. You also have them examined by a doctor and can then take that info, any other previous medical info, and pictures/video you have taken and send it back to the US/Canada to be reviewed by a doctor specializing in international adoption. You can also educate yourself prior to travelling to meet a referral on watching for 'red flags'. No one is forcing you to accept a referral - it is your decision.
Finally, will this affect our adoption? It doesn't appear so. Russia has taken no action against other countries. If it does shut down the US, we would likely receive a quicker referral since we are registered in a region that many US agencies also use. A small positive for us, but at such a huge cost to so many others. :(
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Paperwork Pregnant :)
We are FINALLY there! All our paperwork is now in Russia! According to our adoption 'internet chat world' we will go through four stages as follows:
*Hunting & Gathering (the stage where you are gathering all the paperwork to make up your dossier)
*Paperwork Pregnant (paperwork done, registered in region and waiting for a referral)
*Something Related to Starbucks (have travel dates to meet child(ren), or are in between trips)
*Graduate/Gottcha (court done and you have your child(ren))
It feels like we were 'hunting & gathering' forever, and I am tickled to be moving on to the next category. Now we wait for 'the call' telling us we have an appointment in Russia. When people say they waited 6 months for a referral, that means that they waited 6 months from when they were registered in region. We have friends who also are adopting from Russia (different region than us) who just waited only two months... I only hope things will go like that for us, but not likely.
Again, I think this stage...actually all stages, are tough. A telemarketer called the other day and the phone showed 'Ontario' as the caller and my first thought was "maybe its our agency calling to tell us we have a date to be in Russia". And this only a few days after being registered - I can only imagine how crazy I'll be in 9 months! Anyways, finally being registered is GOOD NEWS! I am certainly happy not to have paperwork to do at present, or to be waiting 'endlessly' for documents from the AB gov't. Now we wait for Russia, and that's one step closer than where we were a week ago!
*Hunting & Gathering (the stage where you are gathering all the paperwork to make up your dossier)
*Paperwork Pregnant (paperwork done, registered in region and waiting for a referral)
*Something Related to Starbucks (have travel dates to meet child(ren), or are in between trips)
*Graduate/Gottcha (court done and you have your child(ren))
It feels like we were 'hunting & gathering' forever, and I am tickled to be moving on to the next category. Now we wait for 'the call' telling us we have an appointment in Russia. When people say they waited 6 months for a referral, that means that they waited 6 months from when they were registered in region. We have friends who also are adopting from Russia (different region than us) who just waited only two months... I only hope things will go like that for us, but not likely.
Again, I think this stage...actually all stages, are tough. A telemarketer called the other day and the phone showed 'Ontario' as the caller and my first thought was "maybe its our agency calling to tell us we have a date to be in Russia". And this only a few days after being registered - I can only imagine how crazy I'll be in 9 months! Anyways, finally being registered is GOOD NEWS! I am certainly happy not to have paperwork to do at present, or to be waiting 'endlessly' for documents from the AB gov't. Now we wait for Russia, and that's one step closer than where we were a week ago!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Name Game
This Zylstra household is all sick with a nasty cold so today's post will be short due to lack of brain cell activity!
As few may know, Aaron and I have a hard time with naming our children. Ever since I was pregnant with my first child I have been reading movie credits for name ideas. With only one of our children did we actually have a name picked out for them before they were born, and even then only if they were a girl. When we do get to Russia and accept a referral, we have to rename our children right then. That means that we have to be prepared with FOUR names since we could get two boys, two girls, or one of each. YIKES!!! We do have the option of keeping their name, but I don't think we will since I think I want them to have an 'american' name. It is much more likely that I will use their birth name as their middle name. Or maybe they will have two middle names, one their birth name and one we choose? I just really don't like stuff like 'Sasha' for a boy! I guess things may depend a little on the situation too...like if they were named by their birth mother, or just by the hospital which uses a 'letter of the month' system to name babies. Either way I want to be prepared with a minimum of two girl first names and two boy first names. So....HELP PLEASE! If you have any name suggestions that you don't mind us using, hit the comment link below and tell me! Maybe I'll have to come up with a prize for suggesting a name that we end up using...like a matroyshka doll from Russia (they are the nesting dolls made of wood).
As few may know, Aaron and I have a hard time with naming our children. Ever since I was pregnant with my first child I have been reading movie credits for name ideas. With only one of our children did we actually have a name picked out for them before they were born, and even then only if they were a girl. When we do get to Russia and accept a referral, we have to rename our children right then. That means that we have to be prepared with FOUR names since we could get two boys, two girls, or one of each. YIKES!!! We do have the option of keeping their name, but I don't think we will since I think I want them to have an 'american' name. It is much more likely that I will use their birth name as their middle name. Or maybe they will have two middle names, one their birth name and one we choose? I just really don't like stuff like 'Sasha' for a boy! I guess things may depend a little on the situation too...like if they were named by their birth mother, or just by the hospital which uses a 'letter of the month' system to name babies. Either way I want to be prepared with a minimum of two girl first names and two boy first names. So....HELP PLEASE! If you have any name suggestions that you don't mind us using, hit the comment link below and tell me! Maybe I'll have to come up with a prize for suggesting a name that we end up using...like a matroyshka doll from Russia (they are the nesting dolls made of wood).
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